I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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