I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
