Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
