I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
