party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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