I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
