things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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