If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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