Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
