I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
