Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
