omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
