I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
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