Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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