you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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