am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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