YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
