and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Randomize
