Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
