you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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