I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
