alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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