Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
