Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
