How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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