When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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