so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
