it's not cheating when I paid for it
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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