Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
