Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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