you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I am mentally ready for anal.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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