If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
