yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
