First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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