So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
