I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
