You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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