I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
