he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
