Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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