Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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