you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
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