We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
