the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
