Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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