dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
