My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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