I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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