My liver just broke up with me...
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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