what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
