Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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