i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
