i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
