I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
