didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
