I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
how drunk are you?
Several
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
