plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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