you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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