She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
