He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
