Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
cat food counts as protein by the way
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
